Imagine this… a wooden leg, an eye patch, and a parrot on the shoulder, squawking incomprehensible phrases. And no, we’re not talking about Johnny Depp, but none other than Ozzy Osbourne. Yes, the Prince of Darkness could have easily been Captain Jack Sparrow. Or at least some half-drunken pirate in the background. But unfortunately, Sharon Osbourne had other plans.
Recently, Sharon revealed in a podcast that Ozzy once had the chance to audition for Pirates of the Caribbean. “He was offered a reading for Pirates of the Caribbean, and I’ve never told anyone this before,” she said. “I said no. Now, wouldn’t he have been perfect?”
You’d think Ozzy would make the perfect pirate. He has the look: wild hair, a perpetually bewildered expression, and a gait as if he’s permanently sailing against the wind. His voice sounds like that of an old sea dog battered by the waves, and he already has experience biting things, although bats aren’t exactly a classic pirate snack. And let’s be honest: if there’s anyone who could convincingly belt out “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!”, it’s Ozzy.
Accidents to happen with Ozzy
But no, Sharon wasn’t having it. She feared Ozzy would either throw himself, or worse, Johnny Depp, overboard by accident. And maybe she had a point. Ozzy on a film set would raise questions like: “Is he in character or just lost again?” And imagine the director’s instructions: “Ozzy, we’re rolling! No, Ozzy, that’s not a real cannonball! Take the parrot out of your mouth!”
Still, it remains a missed opportunity. Just picture how epic the soundtrack could have been with an Ozzy version of “He’s a Pirate”. A fusion of heavy metal and sea shanties would have given the film a whole new dimension. And let’s not forget that Keith Richards already proved that rock stars make excellent pirates.
But oh well, let’s not complain too much. Ozzy may not have become a pirate, but he’s still the undisputed King of Chaos. And if we’re being honest, if you’re looking for a movie about an eccentric man who mumbles unintelligibly, embarks on wild adventures, and constantly puts himself in danger, then Ozzy’s entire career has already got you covered. No eye patch needed, just as much rock ’n roll.
